The Book That Saved the Earth

1. Welcome to the Museum of Ancient History

The play begins in the twenty-fifth century (the year 2500). The Historian, a dignified woman sitting at an illuminated desk in the Department of the Twentieth Century, addresses the audience through an illuminated projector:

• The Era of the Book: The Historian explains that the 20th century was fondly remembered as 'The Era of the Book'. In those ancient days, there were books about everything -- from anteaters to Zulus. Books taught people how to, when to, where to, and why to. They illustrated, educated, punctuated, and even decorated.
• The Ultimate Paradox: Yet the strangest thing a book ever did was to save the Earth from a Martian invasion in the year 2040!

The Historian turns on the 'historiscope', transporting the audience back five hundred years to Mars Space Control in 2040.

2. The Conceited Commander and His Clever Assistant

At Mars Space Control, we meet the alien leadership:

Think-Tank announces his grand plan: 'I will place the primitive ball of mud called Earth under my generous rulership before lunch!'

3. What on Mars Are These Peculiar Objects?

The probe team lands inside the Centerville Public Library, surrounded by thousands of books on shelves. Because Martians have never seen paper books, they are completely bewildered:

1. Hypothesis 1 (Hats): Lieutenant Iota guesses the objects are strange headgear or hats worn by Earthlings.
2. Hypothesis 2 (Crude Sandwiches): Think-Tank examines them through the communication screen and declares with arrogant authority: 'Earthlings have a great love of eating. What you see are undoubtedly sandwiches -- the main staple of the Earth diet!'

To verify the hypothesis, Think-Tank commands Captain Omega to eat one. Omega passes the order to Iota, who hastily commands Sergeant Oop: 'Eat the sandwich, Sergeant!'

"Oop bites off a corner of the book and mimes chewing with terrible facial contortions.
Think-Tank: 'Well, Oop? Is it delicious?'
Oop (coughing and spitting): 'No, Great and Mighty! It is not delicious at all. It is dry as dust. I do not see how the Earthlings can eat those things without water!'"

Noodle tactfully intervenes: 'I have seen surveyor films of Earthlings. They do not eat them. They hold them to their ears!' Think-Tank instantly adopts Noodle's idea: 'They are communication sandwiches! Listen to them!' The Martians press books to their ears, straining in total silence: 'Not a squeak, sir!'

Noodle suggests again: 'Perhaps they are for eye communication, Great One?' Think-Tank proudly declares: 'I knew that all along! They are visual communication devices!'

4. The Terrifying Truth of Mother Goose

To decode the squiggly lines (printed English text), the probe team swallows chemical vitamins provided by the Mars space medicine kit. Their brains instantly accelerate, enabling Captain Omega to read aloud from a heavily illustrated children's book: *Mother Goose*.

5. Evacuation to Alpha Centauri & The Triumph of Books

Convinced that Earthlings are marching to crack his giant egg-head and conquer Mars Central Control, Think-Tank collapses in hysterical panic:

"'I will not stay here to be scrambled! Call the fleet! Order immediate evacuation of the entire planet of Mars! We must flee a hundred million miles away to Alpha Centauri!'"

The probe team flees the library, the invasion armada turns tail, and the Martian civilization abandons its conquest of Earth forever.

The Historian concludes the narrative with a warm 25th-century epilogue:

• The Peaceful Future: In the 25th century, Earth people re-established contact with Mars. By that time, the pompous Think-Tank had been replaced by the wise, benevolent Noodle.
• Cultural Harmony: Earthlings taught Martians the true nature of books, showed them how to read, and helped them establish a grand library in their capital city of Marsopolis.
• The Only Exception: 'However, there is one book the Martians could never bring themselves to read. You guessed it -- Mother Goose!'